Break Up

Hey guys.

So sorry I haven't posted in a while. I've been kinda busy.
I'm sorry to do this to you guys, but I need to vent. Feel free to comment if you want. Some uplifting comments would be nice, but they aren't necessary.
So sorry I haven't gotten the next chapter of Falling For the Enemy up yet. I don't think I will be getting it up soon, and I'll tell you why.

The past month, I've had this wonderful boyfriend. He was sweet, handsome, fun to be around, and just perfect. I fell in love with him.
Then, last night, at around 11 o'clock, I got a text that I had not been expecting. He broke up with me.

Needless to say, I was shocked, and utterly heartbroken.

I cried for almost 2 hours.

He explained to me that he doesn't think he's ready for a relationship, and that he thinks we would be better as being "best friends."
Now those of you who have been in relationships know how hard that can be. Basically, he wants everything to be exactly the same as it was before, just minus the girlfriend boyfriend label and kissing.
I'm sure you can understand how hard that will be for me. I mean, I fell in love with this guy. This sweet, funny, handsome guy. I can't just turn around and pretend that never happened. And even though I never told him I loved him until it was too late, I can't forget how I felt.
So yeah, I'm going through my first break up right now. It was totally out of the blue.
He said he just didn't want a relationship anymore. I was super confused. He was the one who asked me to be his girlfriend after all.
He said he's not sure why he did that. He thinks maybe he was just a little excited to have his first girlfriend, or that he may have confused his feelings for being best friends with his feelings of a relationship. I don't really understand it right now, but I'm trying to.
I'm really hurting right now, but he says he still cares about me so much, and he doesn't want to lose me, ever. So, I'm going to try my best to get over my feelings for him so that we can be friends.
Honestly, this wouldn't be happening if I hadn't had a bad dream that he had broken up with me. I told him I had had a bad dream, so he called me asking what was wrong. I told him that I dreamed he had left me. Then, I couldn't really understand what he was saying, and then he hung up. I was really confused, and scared. And then I got the break up text, and he said he hadn't said anything over the phone because he didn't know how to say it.
That's when I started to cry, and I didn't stop until about 1 am.

I know, I must sound like such a crybaby right now. But my first break up is hurting me a lot. I never expected this. I thought he cared about me just as much as I cared about him. And as many times as he tells me that he does still care about me the same as he did before, he doesn't love me. I'm going to try to get over this, because as much as I am hurting right now, I don't want to lose him either. So I'm going to learn how to be friends with him.

Anyway, Thanks for listening to me.
I'll try and write some more for Falling for the Enemy. I doubt I'll be able to find any motivation to at the moment, but I'll do my best. I also have a lot of crafting stuff I have to do for my sorority. I'll be taking a little in the spring (for those of you don't know about that, it's difficult to explain, and not really the point of this journal, so I would appreciate not having to explain it.) (sorry if that sounded harsh, I'm having a bad day. I didn't sleep much last night).